Dating & Relationships: Words Worth Writing

Break Ups, Dating, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

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Each time I write, the words splash pieces of myself into a place where anyone can touch them. And when I realized I wasn’t driven to pen & paper each time we were together, my heart knew it wasn’t worth it.

I think about everyone I have ever written about, the emotions tied to every word. The memory linked to each sentence. The feeling each paragraph reminds me of. I’ve been a bucket of emotions for as long as I can remember {…pity no one else knows this about me}.

Sometimes I go back to reread my very own history when I feel the memories slipping away. Sometimes I cry, other times I smile. But no matter what the emotional response, at least there are ones. With him, there was nothing, nothing worth writing about, nothing I wanted to remember, nothing worth remembering to be honest. Except that I now know that the words I love you mean nothing if not backed up by action. That three words can get cold real fast.

Why did I even let it go on this long, four and half month of being his girlfriend when I never missed him when we were apart. Never longed for his smell and touch and the sound of his laughter…never had the sense of anticipation for our next time together erupt out of me and land on my face as blushed cheeks and permanent smiles. Never did the urge to want to be next to him, to touch him, to hold his hand ever envelope me the same way I wanted his body to.

I knew this from the beginning though, that I felt nothing for him. I never did. Not in all the years we knew each other, he was never on my radar; what he turned out to be was a rebound. I never wanted to admit it, but that’s all he was. I literally needed to drink every time we were together, being sober around him was excruciating. I knew the longer it continued the more i would lose pieces of myself, and not in my words, on these pieces of digital paper…but I’d lose myself completely trying.

Be with someone worth writing about. Be with someone who makes you smile. Be with someone who’s actions don’t require the constant and sometime premature “I love you’s”…but most importantly, just be with someone you can be yourself with, your best self, the person you want to be because of them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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