Dating & Relationships: The First Fight {Not Fist Fight}

Dating, Love, Relationships, sex, Uncategorized, Woman, women

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Saying “I’m not like other women” is so cliche. Because the fact is, I am.

I’m such a typical woman it’s actually scary and I hate to admit {so I never will} but hey…I want what we all want out of a relationship; a partner, a lover, a confidant…*a big dick* I want time and affection and to be showered with gifts and adoration *a big dick* I want romance, dinner dates, picnics in the forest *a big dick*. I want support, stability and consistency *a big dick* I want it all.

So why then do I claim to “not be like other women”. Because the truth is, I’m not.

The “broken hearts club” is the most UNexclusive club in the world..not just the city, not just the country, not just the continent BUT the whole world.

But my journey that lead to my heart break & honorary member of said BHC {Broken Hearts Club} has now laid an entirely new foundation for any relationship I choose to enter. A new point where my “fuck this and fuck off” point has shifted to.

Is this fair though? No matter how many times I have said that I never want my ex to be a factor, and the fact is even though he physically won’t it is what he did to me that will and how that experienced changed me that will. And yes it’s not fair, but it is a reality. One that I have to deal with.

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One that I have had to deal with this weekend past where an eerily familiar feeling hit me, a feeling that used to be normal for me, a feeling I always said I never want to feel again…during an interaction with new BF I experienced for the first time since my ex such an utter lack of respect and disregard for me that, at first, I was shocked & stunned, like “what the fuck just happened” “does he know who he is speaking to” {I got visions of an aunty in the street with rollers in her hair doing wild and dramatic hand and head gestures} and through those visions my “fuck this and fuck off” got switched back on.

I ended it. That night. Done. Told him as such. He never took it well because he never expected it. {Oddly enough the root cause of the issue was HIS expectations of a frolicking-at-sunset-on-the-beach type romance, highly unrealistic, I mean, just read my bio…little did he know that I too had AND subsequently let go of my own expectations to give this an actual chance…see previous post Women & Relationships: When expectations become the executioner of your butterflies }

But what I wasn’t expecting was to feel that bad about it. He is a good guy and I have said this before…it was out of character {at least according to him although I have seen snippets of it before}…so I took a step back, agreed to hear him out one last time, I eventually accepted his apology. And now, things are seemingly okay.

This was not shock tactics, although I think it is what he needed.

I’m not saying I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread {although I really am} but I am somewhat super cool, I have good hair and a great sense of humour {these are frivolous things and in no means grounds to rate myself 10 out of 10, although I’m going to anyway}.

Yes, I am fucken great and he simply needs to work harder…and I might just adjust my fuck this and fuck off switch…{compromise, so grown up of me}

…..months later….I should have listened to my gut….she’s never failed me before

Single & Dating: The Biker ~ The End: Ep03

Uncategorized

Yes I ended it with a message!

I wanted to end it face to face but when I arrived at the clubhouse in the early hours of Saturday morning he drove off with a few people in the car, one of whom was the young girl he introduced to me as his “future wife”. The bar ladies said he usually drops some of the people at home, but I know he saw my car. Yet he left anyway.

I thought “let him go” and just never say anything to him again ~ but then he will think that what he did was okay and I can’t allow that. Not again.

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So, I sent a very long message which ended mine and The Biker’s three very fun filled months together.

“Hey “insert biker’s name here”. It’s a long one, but please read it.

There’s just two things I must say to you before I can actually just stop saying anything ever again. Number one, you do not have to reply to this message, so don’t bother to if you don’t want to. It’s more important for me to let you know this as opposed to me having to hear anything in return from you.

Number two. I’m not an emotional personal, I don’t like making things bigger than what they are. And I need very little to be made happy…like a kiss from the man I’m fucking is really not that much to ask for.
You blatantly ignoring me since last weekend and not responding to my messages actually hurt what little feelings I am capable of. And I don’t think that that’s what I deserve. You may not think I matter, but I do.

I’ve spent my time with you because I enjoy being around you, I feel better when I’m with you and it’s easy for me to be around you and I liked you and I would miss you if I never saw you in a while. But it’s obvious that you don’t want that. And so it’s obvious that I was wasting my time.

So, like I said in a previous message not too long ago, I’m really glad we met again after all these years. I really am. You have no idea how much. But, for many reasons, you won’t be seeing me around or hearing from me anymore.
I have no desire to chase a man who doesn’t think I matter. Who doesn’t think I deserve the respect of a proper goodbye.

I will however appreciate that whatever happened between us is kept between us. We know a lot of people, not many knew we spent some time together and since I’m not saying anything I’d appreciate it if you do the same.

Good bye “insert Biker’s name here”, stay safe and look after yourself.”

I wasn’t happy with his reply, he appeared to be sincerely and terribly sorry for hurting my feelings but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. And so I said nothing. I felt good for standing up for myself though. For finally being able to tell someone that what they have done has hurt me.

Besides, I’m cleaning house to make sure there is room for my one, the one that leaves me speechless. Who leaves me a mumbling mess of singing hello’s and walking around in circles. The one who, when I see him, makes my heart scream “it’s you”