Dating…the word of the day! Adding the title “boyfriend” & “girlfriend”. Dating…people think it’s a good idea. Dating…it’s a no from me, for now.
Most people know me and my current behavioural pattern, so I don’t get asked that a lot; instead I get asked “why won’t you date him, exclusively?” The answer is rather simple, I’m just not ready for a “boyfriend”.
By no means that this imply I don’t like you, or value the time we spend together, or you as a person and in no way do I think you won’t make a good boyfriend. It’s just that I have seen way too many people rush into relationships that they clearly were not ready for. Relationships are like business deals, you need to absolutely sure about it or it will fail. A boyfriend is not just a title, it is so much more, and most people today don’t get that.
Some of my friends are starting to think that I might never “date” someone again, that they will never get to meet my “boyfriend”. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that I need to get to know this person and for them to get to know me and only once we do, we can both decide whether or not we want to become the other’s “other”, you know, the significant one, the “significant other”.
You know, there are still people out there for who dating isn’t something as simple as just liking the other, having a crush on the other, or as we say “smaaking” someone. It’s not just a way to get the other person to commit to you exclusively, to get them to not see other people, kiss other people, fuck other people…it’s not, that could happen anyway and the only difference would be is that it’s now called cheating…another label that so evidently exists when two people become the others other.
I will thus continue to take my time, because for me, being able to call someone “boyfriend” means something more than just a way to get him to not want someone else, to not want to sleep with someone else. I want someone to want to be with me so bad that they don’t want someone else, that they miss me and only me, that they can’t wait to see me, hear my voice, my laughter, smell me, kiss me and touch ME. I want to feel that at the end of the day, I can safely invest a part of my heart in that person and in return theirs, in mine.
Don’t get it twisted, I’m not being naive, trying to find a loop hole in the rule book of singledom…thinking if I don’t call someone my boyfriend it won’t hurt him if I were to fuck someone else while I’m fucking him. But who would I really be cheating if I called someone my boyfriend before I am ready to invest a part of my time and energy into them, me. I’d cheat on me. And I have been cheated on, and I know how that can hurt, and so my choice is simple. Don’t be the one to hurt yourself.
This new era singletons find themselves in, allows for relationships to form without having to describe or title what it means. This gives people the space and opportunity to be honest with their feelings, to whom ever it is they are seeing. To express how they don’t want the pressure of calling someone “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. To just be free and have fun. Because when you take the pressure away from the “title” it allows you to get to know someone without questioning whether having late night swims in lacey underwear will communicate the wrong message, but it allows you to get intimately close to that person so you can figure things out…for yourselves…at your own time.
I’m glad I haven’t slept with this one…yet…it gives us both something to look forward to, if and when the time comes and if or when we are indeed each other’s other. Or if it ever comes.
And if it doesn’t; hey, there’s no break up, there’s no hard feelings, there’s nothing, because there was no “boyfriend” and there was no “girlfriend” , because there was no title to strip.