Although my love affair with G was fulfilling, and to be honest, more than enough, the ease of Tinder allowed for more than just one…playmate. I needed to see what else was out there. Who else was out there. And so my introduction to the IT guy, my first one, happened.
I say first because well, there’s been a few more. But this particular one it would appear Tinder selected based on Facebook mutual friend suggestions. Although, little did Facebook and Tinder know that we had in fact already met, an entire year before. I sat right at his kitchen table enjoying a glass of wine with him at my friend’s wedding after party January of that year, 2014.
But alas, little did Facebook, Tinder or anyone else for that matter know that that night I happen to be left standing on the highway by my drunk, very high and violent boyfriend at the time. Yes, left on the highway, because oddly enough, I got accussed of sleeping with said IT guy that night.
So the irony did not escape either of us when we realized who the other was and more specifically, the irony did not escape us when we actually did start sleeping together.
Mr IT was such a great guy though; intelligent, caring, considerate, attentive and a really passionate and gentle lover. We had so much fun together. He had a great sense of humour and thought I was really funny too. We went on dates, festivals even went to the theatre. We laughed, held hands, sat next to each other…kissed. I liked him. More than I did anyone in a years. I thought “could this be my guy? It would be so easy, I already know his family, friends…could it be?”
Short answer is no. He could not be, he was not going to be.
I had an event one night, very close to where he lived, my intention was to see him that day but it would appear that my intention and his intention were not the same. I woke up to a text from him, ending it. Saying he had met someone else and that he wants to explore things with her. I cried. Everything my ex had said was coming true “They will never love you” “They only want to fuck you” “You are nothing special” “You will never be anyones choice” I cried some more. And then some more.
I replied, eventually, with a beautiful and respectful message…because he was being honest, and he did not deserve my anger or sadness. He was not that type of guy. And I was not going to be that girl. My tears made me realize that I am not dead, somewhere inside I still work, and dream, and long…for a next time. The possibility of a next time was now something I was no longer afraid of. I had hoped it could have been with him, it just felt unfinished, like it wasn’t over yet. But it was.
That night my ex broke into my house, drunk and high again…attacked me and I had to have him arrested.
*The irony does not escape me.
TJUNXN 